November 23rd, 2009 by Andrew Thomson

X-Factor’s in-built train-wreck performers Jon and Edward Grimes (yes, they have surnames) were voted off X-Factor last night, leaving just five acts left in the run-up to the X-Factor final show at Christmas, which is to be mandatorily shown in every household in the UK.  The news was greeted with sighs of relief from most of the panel and most of everybody else too, but especially from Simon Cowell, who had earlier sworn to leave the country if “Jedward” won the competition.  The British public rose to this challenge by continuing to vote off everyone else, giving Jedward the chance to really shine in last night’s Wham!-themed evening.  But despite looking like ’80s throwbacks ideal for covering this sort of lightweight retro pop, Jedward didn’t make hay, attempting with the other finalists a medley of Wham! hits, notably including I’m Your Man in which they sung with verve, gusto, and a dose of irony – but not a lot in the way of tonal accuracy.

The public had had enough, and last night joined Olly Murs in receiving the lowest number of public votes, meaning they entered the head-to-head elimination round, or Sing-Off Of Death.  Olly Murs chose Eric Clapton’s Wonderful Tonight, whilst John and Edward picked No Matter What by fellow countrymen Boyzone – a heartfelt rendition but nevertheless one that lacked the “X-factor”.  Dannii Minogue held the casting vote, and chose to retain Olly Murs, thus ending the bravaura run of success enjoyed by the twins.  One other happy corollary of this was that the bloggers and social commentators of Britain’s supposedly highbrow broadsheets are now denied a signficant source of material, so will have to return to writing proper news instead of irritatingly condescending post-modern ironic pieces about modern culture.  Amen to that.

Tickets to the remaining X-Factor shows are available to compare and buy at tixdaq.com – don’t miss out!